Courage

It was odd to sleep in a wagon tonight. I can't remember when I last slept under anything except the stars. It is not much of a wagon. But it is mine. I have never owned anything this big before. It makes me feel opulent.

My scars itch. They seem to be healing well.

I am just done with three days of hard riding. Some of the small stuff got mired down in mud by the water hole. I feel like my shoulders and back are packed full of rocks. I barely had enough energy to gather some dung for the fire. I don't remember if I ate. I just fell into my blankets.

How can I be so tired and yet my mind be so awake? The last few days have been a change for me. Respect. It is not something I have ever gotten. I can't say I had a lot of it the last couple of days but there was a difference. I caught a girl watching me today. She did not turn up her nose in disgust. She even blushed a little. It made me ride taller in the saddle.

I have meat. I was allowed to go on a hunt and I brought back a tabuk. A whole tabuk to myself. I think I will eat until I throw up. Eat until I have to pack it down my throat with a stick. I will make a new shirt with the skin. I have never had a new shirt before.

I need to sleep and still my brain is charged with energy. Pictures flashing so fast through my conscious. I wish I could capture them and paint them on the sides of my wagon. Tomorrow if I have time I will hunt and trade meat and hide for some paint.